mindful art by mw

Reinventing Yourself

This was not the plan. This was not at all how I thought life would look when I looked ahead five years ago. There is very little that has met the expectations for that five year plan. Where do you see yourself in five years? What a weird question that feels like now. Five years ago I was getting my doctorate in education. Specifically, in special education with a focus on STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) while thinking about research and lesson plans and dissertation dreams. Well, let’s be honest, dissertation dreams felt a bit more like nightmares and I thought was causing some night sweats. But let’s not digress down what was really causing the sweats. That’s for the book!

Fast forward, through treatments and Covid scares and the pandemic and changing jobs and redesigning our home and spending a lot of time with the dogs, and now here we are. My heart and soul continue to return to art at each of the twists and turns that life throws my way. I had no idea when I was younger the gift my mom was giving me by fostering a love of art with classes and giving me this balancing, life sustaining practice. Art has saved me. Art brings me peace. Art gives me purpose. Art provides a much needed vehicle for getting the feelings from deep down out where I can see and understand them.

I have done some shows here and there over the past two years. Arts and craft shows, shows in barns, Sip and Shops, First Fridays, and Weekenders get added to the calendar. But during these venues it is the connections and conversations with the people I am meeting that is fueling me. As I listen to people to talk, I am drawing, painting, collaging, and putting pieces together in my mind to show their stories. When I return to my studio I borrow from these to get inspiration and create pieces.

The universe gives us shiny little gems to grab ahold of and say “yes” to. Luckily, I watch and listen for these and am often rewarded. My friend invited me to do a make-a-take at the weekender event where she brings together small businesses and handmade crafts and local artisans in these adorable pop-up shop style shopping days. If you have the opportunity to check out Retrofit Culture in Bloomington, IL, DO IT! Since she opened her brightly colored door (on her first location) it has been among my favorite shopping spots with unique and cheeky one of kind items. Now she has a beautiful store front just west of Downtown Bloomington. Okay, she asked me if I wanted to do a make-and-take. Being a teacher at heart, I thought, yep I can do that.

One the backburner since January I have been working on an online offering for bringing together creative souls for an art retreat time weekly. I even took a class to help me learn about managing this type of endeavor and connected with the most amazing souls you could ever hope to meet. Again, I grabbed a gem the universe flashed me and I am so glad I did! I had a launch date for May 22 for the online course-art-retreat-thing I was creating but no audience other than my friends to market to you. In the class I took, there was some guidance for marketing but it didn’t focus on the “hard sale” which is good, because I would have failed that!

During the make-and-take, I was able to guide people and watch their excitement as they created. I stepped in when needed but really gave permission to play, have fun, experiment, and make something that was cool to them. And from there, I decided this was where I wanted me art business to go. With lots of support from friends and Emily spending lots of “business” dinners discussing possibilities, I have landed on an idea.

So, I present to you, Collage and Cocktail! I provide the collage materials and you provide the cocktail(s). Together we set the stage for an exploration experience to create art!

If you want information about booking your own party with me, just contact me! I am so excited to see where this goes!

Unslumping Yourself

As we learn in Oh The Places You’ll Go, unslumping yourself cannot be easily done. The past week I have been battling shingles. Between the itching and burning on my back and the funkiness from the anti-viral meds, I am off. My clothes feel weird, my blankets aren’t cozy enough, the temperature is never right, it’s too loud, and even my coffee tastes melancholy. It’s sunny when I wish it was cloudy and dreary when brightness feels needed.

To break the icky feelings and celebrate the final day of pill consumption, I am searching for moments that I can find gratitude. I did think I would use the word the “joy” but the permanent scowl on my face is making that feeling elusive! Instead I will find moments in which I can take a deep breath and find gratitude in the moment.

To start things off we have Binny on the front porch with me as I enjoy a cup of coffee. His sweet disposition could comfort the grouchiest of souls. I love the comfort and simplicity of our front porch. Today there is a pleasant breeze on this late summer day.

The next moment came as I took a cleansing breath after a meeting and thought about how grateful I am that we can do meetings virtually when needed. I truly enjoy teaching, adore the people I work with, and feel fulfilled by my job. As I was taking time to think about these gratitudes the most beautiful monarch fluttered past my window.

Do you call them n@ked ladies or surprise lilies? I love when these start springing up in our yard, neighborhood, and throughout town each summer. As we drive around, I giggle as I call out n@ked lady! This bunch is in our yard and they always make me smile! Even when I’m grouchy! This third moment came as I stepped outside after my meeting about a project I am very excited about.

Naps! I am grateful for a big hoodie to climb into and curl up on the coach and give myself time and space for resting. After a relaxing bath, allowing myself permission to sleep with the dogs tucked in around me is so restorative.

I am grateful that on a cool morning, I can work outside at The Coffee House with an iced honey oat milk latte and avocado toast while planning for the upcoming semester. Meeting with talented colleagues is a wonderful bonus and I teach with amazing professors. Getting the synergy flowing and bouncing ideas fills my soul.

I am feeling much better now! Taking time to honor these small things are helping me to find joy. Sometimes we just need to refocus!

What are you doing to help highlight the little moments of gratitude in your own life?

Low Energy Days

Something I have learned to embrace during the journey of healing I have been on is that some days are low energy days. I never, in my previous life, allowed myself low energy days. The concept of “fake it until you make it” or “acting changes everything” powered me through any day that I might feel low. These are wonderful techniques to apply when you don’t feel like doing something. I mean, did I want to go to chemotherapy for eight hours on a beautiful summer day in 2020? Nope! So, I used the approach of faking it or ACE (acting changes everything) to get myself dressed and in the car to go to the cancer center.

But now, as I am experiencing remission and needing to be more mindful about how my body feels, I am allowing myself to feel the low energy days. Also, the idea of feeling the vibrations of your soul have become of interest to me as I move slower and take more time for reflection.

On a slow day, my mantra is, “slow and soft, be nice, give grace.” Today’s post will be about slow and soft.

I allow myself to start the day slowly. If it is a morning I have my online yoga class, I find my way to the floor next to my bed and participate in class. On those low energy days, I allow myself to crawl back into bed for extra snuggles with the dog or to wrap back up in my cocoon of blankets and soft pillows and sleep once class is over. If it is a non-yoga morning, I wake up slowly and linger in bed. As I am in bed I am able to check email or work on blog posts. There is so much that we can do now from our phones that slipping slowly into productivity is easily achieved. For years, I attempted to be a person who embraces mornings. There was a lot of guilt when I could not sustain the 5am wake up and “girl boss” mentality to start my day in my pre-cancer life. I pushed and pushed myself but then would end up giving up and feeling like a failure because it just felt to icky to be fighting with myself so much! Then I would make another plan, goal, bullet journal habit tracker to do the early morning rise and grind. Repeat the cycle again, I just am not a spring out of bed kind of person…and now I accept that!

By putting these demands on myself made it so I didn’t even realize my body was shutting down. By the time we realized the cancer was overtaking my body, it had infiltrated my blood, muscles, bones, liver, and kidneys. I often wonder if I had been going slower, would I have realized something was really off sooner. What I did do was tell myself I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t strong enough, fit enough, thin enough, tough enough, or smart enough to deal with how I felt. The message I told myself was that something was mentally wrong with me which was why I didn’t “feel” good enough to do all the things. But now, instead of doing everything I possibly can, I am more intentional with what I do.

My next key for a low energy day is to keep everything soft. I plan my outfits out for weeks at a time and have an OOTD (outfit of the day) complete with earrings and shoes planned. However, sometimes I need something that is softer than what I planned so I keep a set of outfits that are easy to wear, predictable in how they feel on my body, and SOFT. This is another area that I gave myself grief about earlier in my life. If I didn’t want to wear the planned outfit, then I mentally beat myself up. I possessed no grace for myself if I didn’t wear the clothes I thought I should. Taking into account how my body felt was a perceived sign of weakness.

My feet have been sore since I was sixteen. Whether I tried to wear flipflops or heels, my feet would ache. Most athletic shoes caused fallen arches and I even lost toenails during one painful period of time. When I went to a pediatrist in my twenties I was told to lose weight but working out after teaching all day was hurting my feet so badly and I wasn’t sure what to do. Fast forward twenty years and now, in my 40’s, I have embraced my style and found ways to do so while honoring my sensory needs from day to day. As a teacher, if I had a student needing their tag cut out of a shirt or wanting a softer place to sit, I would have done what I could to accommodate them. I guess needing so many accommodations during 2020 taught me that it is truly okay to embrace what we need. For me, some days that means a soft dress with leggings and my favorite Nike Zoom shoes, which I have in about ten colors! Other days it means I can rock the suit complete with chunky necklace and dress shoes without giving myself grief for either outfit. Both are professional and allow me be taken seriously as a teacher in my college classroom or during a day full of meetings. Monday was a low energy day and luckily I had previously planned for virtually teaching my class this day and creating curriculum from home. My soft clothing choice was in the OOTD lineup already so I did not feel like I was hanging out in my lounging clothes all day. I wore lightweight easy to wear earrings, black joggers, a teacher specific t-shirt, and my Oofos recovery sandals. In my classes we are having a superhero spirit day so I am excited to see what my students decide to wear. Side teacher note: this was a practice I picked up during teaching in the pandemic online- host spirit days when teaching virtually to get students to turn on cameras and participate!

What are ways you allow yourself to go slow? Do you favorite soft clothes?

Dance!

In my pre-cancer life, I danced all the time…in our kitchen, at WERQ classes, going to early morning Jazzercise, in the car, or on tables at The Hangout in Gulf Shores with my team cheering me on. In my office on campus, I would shut the door and jam out while dancing the stress away between classes. I’m not sure how anyone gets any cleaning done without shaking their booty!

When I was on my journey to get my health back after chemotherapy and the surgeries to deal with the aftermath of said treatments, dancing brought me through the dark days. The first day that my physical therapist told me the goal for the day was to stand for thirty seconds and I was miserably failing, my dear friend and WERQ dance partner reminded me that in order to dance again, I would have to stand so she played the perfect song to remind me of what was ahead. As I progressed from standing to walking, I would play a favorite song as I took those difficult steps and imagined what it would be like when I could dance again. I started working with most amazing post-cancer coach and she assigned me to do a daily dance. One dance. It was exactly what I needed to get through each plateau experienced as I regained my strength. I started with one song and would dance as long as I could. In the beginning, one verse or chorus might be all I could do. Eventually, I found I was ready to do multiple songs. Now I have a thirty minute playlist to dance to daily!

When life feels overwhelming, I highly suggest putting on a song and allowing yourself to dance like nobody is watching.

Share your go to songs for getting you moving and shaking!

And dancing is often accompanied by really loud singing!

Mindful Minute: Go Slow

A slow computer drives me nuts! When a browser doesn’t open quickly or an update takes forever to run, I can feel my jaw clench and shoulders tighten up. Today when my computer felt like it was moving backwards, I thought about what it would be like to move in super slow motion (like my computer!) which lead me to reflect on slow living and moving intentionally. I like the idea of sloth mode where you give yourself permission to just move slowly, to make small movements, and take long deep breaths.

As I allow extra time for my computer to catch up with my racing thoughts, I notice that I drink more water as I wait for the pages to load. The dogs get more snuggles during these times that my hands are idling waiting to do the next thing. I pick up my phone and text a friend or my mom. Taking deep breaths, that sometimes start in frustration, actually end up relaxing my whole body. Looking out the window instead of at the screen allows me to notice the changes in the trees and subtle signs of spring.

Next time the computer takes forever to load or you are sitting at your car waiting on that red light to change, be okay with taking the moment slowly! I’ll give you permission to have a sloth moment…or take the whole day if you need it!

Mindful Minute: Gratitude

Local businesses that get excited about my small business venture fill my heart with so much gratitude. The beautiful soul helping me create the bank account was like a long lost friend and we reveled in finding kindness in each other and proceeded to an over-sharing session. An account that could have taken an hour to establish stretched almost to two hours. Her support and confidence that upgrading to a new account is in my near future pumped me up. At the local copy shop, the young person at the counter was so complimentary about the canvases I was having prints made from. As I told him about my Etsy shop dreams and aspirations, he encourage me to “go for it”! His encouragement meant so much to me and told him so.

Starting this new journey has filled me with excitement but also worry. In those moments when fear starts to creep in, I am presented with opportunities to express gratitude. When the doubts start to drive, I find a way to be thankful for something or someone along the way. I got me first “follow” on the blog and that email brings so much joy. (Yes, I have looked at it several times this week!) The site counter in my stats page keeps going up each day and I am so encouraged to see where this can go!

I am so grateful that you are taking time to read the blog! Thank you for the comments and follows on our website. Your feedback and sharing on social media fills my heart with such appreciation.

I’d love to hear what you are interested in reading about in this space we are creating. I hope to make this a beautiful, loving community where we grow and learn and support each other. Drop a comment and let me know you are here!

Mindful Minute: Middle of the Night Mind

It’s 3am. My brain starts to race waking me to think about all the things that I perceive myself to be falling short in personally, professionally, and all the areas in-between. You’ve been there too? Here are my top 5 tips for quieting the middle of the night mind:

Get up! I know it sounds counterproductive if you want to get back to sleep but it really helps. Use the restroom, wash your face, brush your teeth…whatever you do just before you get into bed in the evening. I like to take a big drink of water and then resituate my blankets and pillows. Since I am a wiggly person naturally, I could lay there and fiddle with blanket layers and pillow positions for hours. This ritual allows my body permission to relax into the comfortable cocoon I created.
Focus on your breathing. One that I like to do is to take a breath in for four seconds, hold for four, let out for four, relax your body completely for four. Then do it again. And again! I imagine a square in my mind and see the lines form as I do each of the four steps. I call this “four square breathing” and have used it with student-athletes, college students, and my elementary kiddos to help them relax.
So you have gone to the bathroom and are laying in bed breathing but your mind just won’t stop! This next three tips are to specifically silence the screaming. As each of the worries pop into your mind, imagine stuffing them into a balloon and blow it up and allow it to float out your window. If the worry is important, give it permission to float away for now but find its way back to you in the morning or when you get to work or whenever seems like a better time for you to address the worry. Here is a think-aloud you might try, “I feel (worried, overwhelmed, frustrated, excited, etc.) about (whatever the thing is) and I will place it in this balloon. As I take this next breath, I see the balloon floating out my bedroom window. Please float away so I can sleep but you can return tomorrow when (I am at my computer for work, I wake up, the issue arises).”
Another tip is to use reframing. Right now, a lot of my middle of the night worries are that my cancer will return. Having cancer is full of psychological challenges that are really difficult to deal with and often you have little to no support as a cancer survivor while you navigate this part of the fight. Reframing has really helped me! Instead of absolutely freaking out that the cancer is back, I stop myself and remember that I am in remission. The last report from the doctor was that I am in remission. My think-aloud that I used last night went like this, “I am in remission. I am getting stronger. I have some soreness in my body because I am able to do more. I was able to take the stairs rather than the elevator while on campus. I can do things with more ease than I could three months ago. No, the cancer is not returning. I am healthy and capable.” My body is sore from all the moving I am able to do right now but those aches and pains send my mind to a place of fear. Then I put the worry of sore muscles in a balloon and let it float out the window so I can reassess during the next day. Let me tell you, I was able to get back to sleep and now, in the light of this new day, those pains were truly just achy muscles from all the wonderful moving I am able to do. I know that I have to be extra mindful of my body so we can address any cancer that returns as quickly as possible but worrying all night will be detrimental to my health.
Give your body permission to rest and relax. When I was in college, we worked with a sports psychologist that taught us a relaxation technique that I still use! You address each body part and gently activate the muscles for 5-10 seconds and then release. I start at my toes, feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips, stomach, biceps, forearms, hands, shoulders, back, neck, jaw/mouth, nose and eyes.

I hope these tips helped and you are able to get some wonderful sleep!

Let me know what other tips you have for quieting the middle of the night mind in the comments.

Mindful Minute: Coffee Shop

Today I am grateful for the leather couch at the local coffee shop reappearing after being gone because of Covid. As I sipped my iced decaf latte made with oatmilk and caramel, tears crowded my eyes and even a few quietly streamed down my smiling cheeks. You literally have no idea how long I’ve waited for an idle afternoon to be able to do this. (Maybe you have been waiting for signs of normalcy too?)

As I take in sights and sounds of the coffee shop that is housed inside a bike shop, I am grateful for both of them surviving the pandemic and providing glimpses of a world that we knew before. So, I’m going to play my Wordle and Lewdle and throughly enjoy this perfect moment as I sit comfortably and absorb the sounds and smells that only a coffee shop can offer.

I practice mindfulness by allowing my senses to experience the moment. When I do this, I feel my shoulders relax and jaw unclench. The sights, sounds, smells, and textures allow me to be in the present moment.

Take a moment to journal or just take a mental note of what surrounds you in this moment. For me in this moment, it includes comfortable shoes, a soft sweater, a warm tear cooling as it slides down my cheek, the smell of the brewing coffee, and the sound of door opening as guests are welcomed.

I would love if you would share here too!

Mandy’s Mindful Minutes

It is my hope that my art and writings will offer inspiration.
Each week I will post about ways I am staying mindful in my life
as well as providing tips and tricks for you to try out.

Mindfulness is the practice of taking time to be present in the moment and conducting daily activities in your life with intention. Our intent can contain positivity and foster good vibes as we go through our days or it can be a vehicle of negativity. There is a challenge called the rice challenge that is trending right now on social media. The idea is that you say positive things to one batch of rice and foster love and care for it through the intentions you manifest as you hold the jar. You surround it with well-meaning, positive intentions and thoughts. The other, you give it all your stress and worry and general ugliness that you can. Over the month, the rice that is shrouded with positivity yields healthy living conditions while the other becomes very sludgy and unappealing…according to those who have tried the challenge out. Now, I don’t need a bowl of rice to tell me that when I put positivity into my world, it is a better place for me and others to thrive in. (Adding rice to my grocery list to try this experiment! I’ll post here with results.)

Through Mandy’s Mindful Minutes, I will demonstrate how I am inviting these positive vibrations into my life. Will they all resonate with you? Probably not! However, use it is a choose your own adventure and pick the practices that make you happy. Some of things I feature will be just taking time to appreciate amazing things, people, and places around me. Sharing the gratitude that fills my heart and simple blessings I find all around me is one of my favorite mindful practices. Other times, I will provide you with information I have researched that I think will make your life better. As I read and do my own learning and growing, I will share the things that strike a chord within my soul.

As an athlete and coach, I have done work on the mental game. What I have found is this training that I did to improve my “play” was actually preparing me for the game of life far more than I ever realized. As coaches and teachers, we hope that the lessons stick with our students beyond the classroom and field. I guess it took a very traumatic event in my life to truly appreciate how mindset plays a part in our success. Learning to walk and talk and stand and thrive again meant that I had to endure many hours of physical and occupational therapy when the cancer and side effects stripped me of my abilities and strength. As I laid on my yoga mat doing the most gentle movements known to man and tears streamed down my face, it was my mindset that I would continue to show up and put aside my fears and failures in order to keep going that allowed me make it through. It was mentally and emotionally taxing to go through rebuilding myself. If I had not done the work in helping to prepare players to success on the field, I would have not been able to do this hard work in life. Through Mandy’s Mindful Minutes I will share some of my most important lessons that came from these experiences.

Join me each week as I share ways I am practicing mindfulness in my own life!

New Adventure

I am excited to embark on this new adventure and rebrand my creative business. This has been an exciting time to look at what I want to accomplish and the direction I want to go as I reenter the waters. The analogy of a boat going into water works so well because I like the thought of letting the waves impact the path a bit. Having so much time away from my creations and studio gave me a new perspective on what this could look like and now I get to implement my vision. The boat is being rebuilt around the old version of my business. At the heart, “our kitchen table creations” will always be where this started. It was the perfect place to begin- literally from our kitchen table. Our creations allowed us to explore different mediums and approaches and dabblings (that is definitely a mandy-made-word). Emily and I created together as we thrifted frames and found side of the road scores and salvaged in the backrooms of antiques stores for the unprocessed gems. We never had a business plan or knew what we would be creating from month to month, let alone year to year! Our hearts and hands literally guided us. And it was so fun.

We were able to create throughout the year and have space on the walls of Kelly’s Bakery and Café in downtown Bloomington to share the pieces. During the almost a decade of sharing art at Kelly’s, starting in July 2011, we were able to put together different shows and one of kind creations around various themes sparked by my interests and passions. These shows and pieces were truly a part of my soul and I appreciated the love that the community showered on us as they enjoyed the creations with us.

When 2019 came and my cancer was discovered, our world shook. As 2020 shut down the world and I fought for my life, our creations were packed away and my studio sat untouched as I spent hours, days, and weeks in the hospital and going through treatment. As the months drug on, I found solace in coloring, journaling, and creating small collages in my artbook as I laid in bed, sat in treatment chairs, or lounged on the couch. The doctor told me to fight the neuropathy in my hands and fingers by moving them. So I colored and cut and glued and wrote and drew. My creativity saved my soul during those long days and helped me have something that was mine during a time when the world felt like it was spinning out of control.

With the word REMISSION, a new fight began. I needed to gain strength and endurance. The brain fog from chemotherapy needed time to clear. Dreaming in collage began again but I did not have the stamina to be in the studio. Like a rubber band, we want to bounce back to our former form. However, this time the rubber band had been stretched and the new form was unfamiliar…and felt so broken. Doing everyday life felt so heavy and I resigned to the fact that I may never return to my studio as I had before.

I was right. The old me and how I did things before would be forever changed. I had been burned down but something amazing was emerging from the chaos and ash, much like a phoenix. Ever since I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a teacher so it made sense to return to teaching. Teaching felt comfortable and relit my passion for helping others. Luckily, teaching at the university allowed me to come back in one class increments instead of needing to go back full time all at once. I was also able to return to coaching softball in April of 2021. Well, I would make it to the softball field and sit in a chair in order to offer a bit of assistance to the players. This offered me the perfect incentive and physical therapy each day as I peeled myself out of bed and, metaphorically and physically, kept going. If you are familiar with the spoon theory, I had no spoons left for creative energy. If you are familiar with post-chemotherapy treatment and the emotional, spiritual, mental healing that happens once treatment ends, you know. You know, and I’m sorry you know!

In the summer of 2021, my studio flooded. The rains came and our basement had a foot of rain water sitting throughout it. I had just another surgery on my road to recovery and could not do anything from my bed to help with the rising waters. My friends and tribe showed up and helped to rescue the things in my studio and Emily waterproofed and rebuilt. Instead of getting back into the studio to create, I used my energy to move back into the space and organize my things again. As I continued to unpack, the tickle to create pulsed in my fingers and before I knew it, there were canvases on the easels and I was flinging paint, blasting music, and dancing around.

As I finished pieces, I had no place to display them. The café had closed and the world looked so different than it had before Covid. Making pieces that I could not share felt strange and creating for just myself was foreign. I gave myself permission to dream and researched starting a business and what the new chapter for my art business could look like. For the first time, I created an actual business plan and consulted with talented business owners in my life to dream bigger than I thought possible.

I am excited to share this new adventure with you. Collage and painting and found objects (be they from nature or thrifted) and all things mixed media call to my creative soul. Adding a little bit of inspiration or reflection or letting someone else feel seen complete my pieces. Stay tuned as creations start flowing out of my studio again.